The Commons received a B rating on its health and safety inspection earlier this week. When asked about the poor score, Commons Facilities Manager Willy West didn’t seem too shook. “Look, it’s still better than any of the students living here will do on their finals.” West said that The Commons will surely be giving their health inspector one star out of five and a scathing review on Rate My Inspector, the popular site used by dorms to decide which health inspectors to take each semester. "Obviously we wouldn't have taken this inspector if we knew he was going to die from a cartoon based meal," West explained.
West went on to attack our Golden Seagull contributor saying, “This rating won’t affect our cumulative grade like that D+ you got on your organic chemistry exam.” Tensions rose as Golden Seagull staffers refused to stop quoting the Spongebob Squarepants episode "Nasty Patty" until they were eventually escorted out of The Commons. West declined to comment on whether or not Mr. Krabs's toenail clippings were included in the burger served to the health inspector.