Warm weather beckons 8,000 students to emerge from sewers and hammock until September
Warm weather on Tuesday provoked the entire Marquette student body to slither out of the sewer tunnels and fester in Central Mall until September.
“Where did all these people come from?” asked freshman Caroline Johnson. “Marquette’s campus became an apocalyptic wasteland ever since the temperature dropped below 60.”
Students were seen hammocking, throwing frisbees and lounging on blankets in what was a rare opportunity for sunlight.
“Get fucked, seasonal depression,” said junior Peter Wesley. Expectations should be tempered, however, as snowfall is expected within the week. Surely the students will soon return to their sunlight-deprived, grimy abodes, wading in feces until another hot day.