Two weeks ago, Marquette faculty and students spotted a coyote walking around the Alumni Memorial Union. With the exception of a few bunnies, the coyote caused no serious trouble and disappeared within a couple hours. Students and faculty demanded answers for the coyote’s unusual appearance. The Golden Seagull acquired an exclusive interview with [name redacted] the coyote.
Golden Seagull: A coyote spotted in a busy city is one thing, but what were you doing at Marquette?
Coyote: I run an unusual business which pulls me to all parts of the country. My client is really the one that controls where I go. I’m usually in the desert.
Golden Seagull: And this business entails what?
Coyote: I’m an exterminator of sorts. I’ve been chasing the same guy for over 60 years, and I’m only getting older.
Golden Seagull: Okay, did you catch the guy?
Coyote: You know, it’s funny. I had this giant dynamite contraption set up over 16th and Wisconsin that would have eliminated that smug bastard. But Marquette denied my permit requests due to “emotional distress” it would cause to the public. City permits man, I tell you what.
The coyote ended the interview abruptly, saying that his client was “on the move again.” Roadrunner has declined to comment to us.