In his biweekly email, new Astrology professor Sturec Notify expressed excitement about a massive group activity planned for his Tuesday night class, assuming everyone would be in attendance.
“For our activity tomorrow, we need fifty-five students to split into eleven groups of five,” said Notify in the email. “I hope everyone is as excited about this as I am!”
Four students confirmed that Notify added the enticing incentive of one extra credit point in participation grade.
One of the Golden Seagull’s many insider sources at Michaels revealed that Notify bought $570 worth of arts and crafts for the activity on Tuesday night.
“I just couldn’t muster up the courage to tell him,” said the Michaels employee who chose to remain anonymous. “I can’t believe someone could be so naïve.”
Research revealed that half of Notify’s class has been off campus since Friday, stretching Thanksgiving break an extra five days.
“I read the email at my flight’s gate at General Mitchell Airport,” said senior Josh Johnson.
Experts suggest this is just one of many harsh realities coming this semester for the new adjunct instructor. The most pressing question: When will he become suspicious and not proud that every student has perfect scores across seven D2L quizzes?