Marquette Campus Ministry hires first Pastafarian minister
The latest move in Marquette’s diversity and inclusion initiative is to hire Isabella Barilla, a former leader of the Milwaukee Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster, to be the first Pastafarian minister in Campus Ministry.
“I hope to quell the nationwide epidemic of pastaphobia on Marquette’s campus,” Barilla said. “The closet FSM movement is more apparent than you would think.”
The effort comes after Marquette admissions identified a skyrocketing number of mislabeled incoming freshman students who actually identify as devout Pastafarians.
Leroy Tagliatelle, an application writer who works in Marquette Admissions, said the university was overwhelmed by the increased numbers of prospective students noting their religion as “other” on applications.
“I just assumed they were Pastafarians,” Tagliatelle said. “We have every valid religion in the world listed on the application, except for Pastafarianism because the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster is a really long name and it didn’t comply with the character count for creating a new option on the form.”
Tagliatelle’s assumption was correct, but it did not sit well with devout Pastafarians. Angry postcards flooded campus mailboxes, petitioning that the religion be represented in all its noodlereity.
Many postcards contained slogans like “Beeferoni over bigotry” and “I don’t wear this strainer on my head for your amusement!”
Now that Barilla has arrived on campus, her first step is to increase awareness of the FSM church.
Barilla hopes she can share a table with the Counseling Center in the AMU to hand out packets of Sacred Sunshine Surprise, a holy meal that bears strong resemblance to chicken flavored Ramen, during finals week. She also plans to build a life-size model of the Beer Volcano, an icon in FSM parables, in Central Mall for Pastafarian awareness week.
“Believers spend eternity in the Great Pasta Bowl, and I want to create something that will truly reflect the beauty of the afterlife,” Barilla explained.
She also plans to start a support group, the Pastafarian Believer Revival, or PBRs for short, to generate a greater presence on campus. As part of this initiative, Barilla encourages every Pastafarian to shotgun at least one can of Pabst Blue Ribbon at every party they attend as a sacrifice to the Flying Spaghetti Monster.
“There is no greater public display of faith,” Barilla said. “They should do it for none other than the glory of the FSM himself.”