At 7:54 Monday morning, junior Christine Stuart attended her 8 AM Marketing Management class with a full face of makeup. Sources say she must be a sociopath.
According to reports, the junior had no aversion to waking up a little bit earlier to do a whole makeup routine, including contouring and shaped brows.
“Clearly, she is a sociopath,“ classmate Ethan Keller said, sporting a groutfit. “Who in their right mind devotes time to their appearance when you could be scrolling through Instagram in bed for, like, an extra thirty minutes?"
Stuart has reportedly committed this act three times a week for the entire semester. Former classmates claim she has remorselessly looked amazing in the morning hours of previous semesters.
"What sort of cruel, unfeeling human forgoes sleep to subscribe to the notion of ‘looking presentable?’" Keller said. "Is not her moral identity sacrificed in refusing to look like a sack of potatoes, like the rest of us?”
Keller’s melodramatic statement has been bolstered by a statement released by Stuart, in which she admits: “Yeah, looking this good should be a crime.”
At press time, witnesses say her eyeliner was sharp enough to kill a man.