In a new report from your entire Facebook feed, data suggests that the ripe age of 22 is the prime time to get married. While research and statistics show that the brain finishes developing at age 26, high school friends who went to small Christian universities and other friends who never left their home town suggest that the window for holy matrimony finishes right freaking now.
The drastic change in lifestyle and lack of structure that comes after graduation and the sudden jolt of being completely on your own for the first time is the perfect breading ground for the most permanent decision of someone's life.
In a statement from bride and groom to-be Patty and Ted, Ted recounted his decision to get on one knee the same year he could get into a bar.
"Patty and I are in love, we're meant for each other, we've known each other in one singular familiar context for a whole two years of our teen lives and another two years of our adult lives," Ted said. "While our day to day lives, schedules, financial obligations, world views, maturity, experiences, and values may chance, our marriage won't, because divorce isn't culturally an option for either of us."
Having started to date Ted sophomore year and perfecting her Pintrest wedding board freshman year, Katie in turn explains her decision to buy that white dress and book Gesu church before she's ever bought her own insurance, "It's just true love, and nothing says true love like feeling the need to legally bind ourselves together the moment we leave the institution that was previously unofficially doing that," Patty said. "That's what you call trust and security."
With three years before they can rent a car and one year before their metabolism slows down, Patty and Ted describe their eagerness for the big day, the other big day, after graduation, and of course, the big night as well.
"We're very excited to be man and woman. We're obviously looking forward to getting laid which we've wanted to do for a long time but have the fear of God instilled in us," Ted explained. "So as good Christians we're remaining celibate until we use the institution of marriage mainly as a means to an end of not having to be celibate anymore. We couldn't be happier becoming one flesh, we're excited for a long and happy life together, and hoping that the repressed sexual guilt we have about our own bodies lifts after awhile."
"And I'll be writing a judgey "open letter" think piece for The Odyssey Online for anyone who out of concern tells us to think twice about this", Patty noted.