With as little interest in his LinkedIn profile as his Tinder profile, senior Greg Williamson’s collegiate career has come to it’s an anti-climactic end this graduation season. Williamson’s four years of perpetual romantic rejections have prepared graduating senior for job hunt
Transitioning into the workforce, Williamson has gotten as many interviews as times he’s gotten to second base, once in person, and once on the phone. The string of declined requests and being told that he just isn’t the right person by crushes during his four years at the university gave Williamson the familiarity necessary to cope with the a harsh job market.
Having perfected the fake and soul crushing smile used when close friends get engaged, Greg was more than prepared when his friends got their dream jobs and somehow already a promotion. The willingness to change location for a position came easy, as Williamson has been willing to change everything about himself on his quest for human affection for as long as he can remember.
On job applications that ask if he has the ability to lift objects up to 50lbs, Williamson is always able to check ‘yes’, since he’s been picking his self esteem up off the floor since puberty. Even taking rejection emails is a breeze, as Williamson already built up the pain tolerance from his years of listening to love songs knowing no one will ever say those words about him.