Multiplying unwed bunnies raise concerns among campus ministries, high fives from frat boys

Thirty minutes of sunshine earlier in the week has signaled a change in the season as Marquette welcomes spring 2017. The pastels are out, the tulips have bloomed and the students are pretending to know how to slackline, but no one has caught spring fever quite like the campus bunny population. While some have welcomed the fluff balls into the Marquette family, others have concerns at the distinct lack of wedding rings among them.

“Just because they’re bunnies doesn’t mean it’s not sinning”, says Martha Hutchinson, lady with doomsday sign on street corner.

“This promiscuous behavior is unacceptable and while we can’t control it, we worry it will have a negative impact on our students”, says Father Carl Forman, “First it’s the bunnies, then it’s meat on Fridays, and boom, we’re at Woodstock again. Things that don’t cause harm can still be harshly criticized. That’s the #1 rule.”

“I support them, who are we to tell these bunnies how to live their lives," Sophomore Kyle Fullerton said. "I think we could learn from them, you know, like, we just need to love each other, like, Ghandi said that, and that’s all the bunnies are doing.”

Disclaimer: Ghandi didn’t say that.

The Golden Seagull spoke with representative Maya Hunter at the Gender and Sexuality Resource Center for a professional opinion on the nuanced issue:

Golden Seagull: So Maya, as a gender and sexuality resource provider what do you believe the moral and social impact of unwed bunnies reproducing so avidly will be on the campus community?

Maya Hunter:…What?

Given such polarized opinions, is unclear as to whether or not the campus will be taking action on the issue of the world’s cutest sinners, more on this developing story later.

#Bunnies #CampusMinistry #FratBros #GinaDiVittorio

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