Newly-inaugurated freshman sorority sister Becky Westmuller was excited to spend college with her sisters in the Alpha Phi Eta sorority. That was before she uttered the words that sparked outrage among her sisters.
“My mom called one day and asked how my chapter-appointed big sister was, and I told her that she was ‘pretty cool, I guess,’” Westmuller said. “It was just my luck that the chapter president was hiding behind a potted plant in the hall.”
Alpha Phi regulations stipulate that “bigs,” upper-class students forced into friendships with younger sorority sisters, are only to be referred to as “the best big ever” or some variation thereof. Failure to do this carries steep penalties, including potential expulsion from the chapter.
“We take the self-esteem of our sisters very seriously,” chapter president Kim Duckworth said. “If you have a bunch of people saying they have the best big and then one big has to settle for ‘pretty cool,’ the continued existence of Alpha Phi gets called into question”
Westmuller directed this grave insult against Carrie Smith, her one-time big. Smith had posted twice on Westmuller’s Facebook timeline in the preceding three hours. The first post read, “I’M SO EXCITED TO BE YOUR BIG!!!!! IT’S GONNA BE PHI-ABULOUS!!!! (sic)” Ninety minutes later, Smith posted an Odyssey article entitled “Why the bond with your sorority big is, like, way more important than the bond with your mom.”
Smith was last seen sobbing uncontrollably in the middle of the Alpha Phi house. Multiple eye-witnesses even heard her openly question, through her tears, whether or not she had the best little or just a pretty good one.
As of this article’s publication, Westmuller has denied the charges of high treason leveled at her by the sorority, saying that she “didn’t know what (they) expected.”
“I didn’t even know this person for half a day yet. Was there something else I was supposed to say? ‘Pretty cool’ was good, I thought.”