Marquette students celebrated Ash Wednesday last week, the traditional religious holiday that signals the start of Lent. In accordance with Catholic doctrine, many students are planning to give up something dear to them in order to show religious devotion.
Not sure about what to give up? Pope Francis has a suggestion.
“It would bring all of us closer to understanding the word of God if you would stop stealing stuff from the dining halls,” the Pope said.
“In the book of Matthew, Jesus says, ‘You shall not bring in Tupperware, You shall not steal forks, You shall not bear more than two bananas at a time.”
Stealing food from the dining halls is a time-honored Marquette tradition, but the Pontifex warns that doing so is to walk the path of temptation. Pope Francis specifically condemned stealing of macaroni and chicken nuggets, both of which he described as “sinfully delicious.”
“Those who plunder the mac and nuggets of the many to serve the elite, privileged few cannot call themselves followers of this church.”
Evidence suggests that a number of Marquette students have taken the Pope up on his challenge. Several sightings have been reported of diners beginning to cover up multiple slices of pizza with napkins, then looking at the date on their phones and putting them back.
“I can’t believe I can only have unlimited food while I’m actually in the dining hall,” grumbled one dining hall patron. “This is basically the same thing as fasting.”
It should be noted that Pope Francis does make an exception for passing IDs under the Cobeen door to upperclassmen, a subject that had been the subject of much debate in the theological community.
“Do not neglect to do good and to share what you have, for such sacrifices are pleasing to God,” Pope Francis said. “That means you, Emily. Yes, you can make time to feed your starving sorority big. It’s Lent, for Christ’s sake.”