Sophomore Dan Starker is still telling family and friends that he stormed the court after Marquette’s victory against Villanova, despite the fact that none of his close friends can remember seeing him at the game.
“What are you talking about? I was totally there,” Starker said while sweating profusely. “It was, uh, so crazy when all those people, which I am definitely one of, stormed the court. Yup. Best moment of college.”
A confidential source tells the Seagull that Starker was actually at the library during game time, studying for an art history quiz. Starker apparently did not even watch the game on his phone while studying.
“I remember him saying that we were definitely gonna lose and that everyone was wasting their time by going to the game, “ the source said. This source also confirms the Seagull’s suspicion that Starker is “exactly the kind of poser that would say he was there” just to make himself seem cool.
Starker strongly refutes these allegations, saying that he was in the student section when “Cutino Reinfeld” sunk the free throws to put Marquette ahead.
“It’s all a blur because I was, like, so drunk,” Starker said. “All I remember is that I was definitely there and on the court at the end. That’s the only important thing.”
There is also a substantial disagreement about what Starker was doing after the game. Samuel Chase, Starker’s roommate in Schroeder, said that Starker came home and went to bed right after the game because he had early classes the next day that he planned on attending.
Starker, on the other hand, claims that he was at “all the bars until, like, four in the morning.” He then proceeded to name every single bar within a half-mile radius of Marquette’s campus and claim that he was kicked out of all of them.
Security camera footage from these bars definitively show that he was not in attendance at any of them on that evening.