Student under prosecution for playing Christmas music before thanksgiving


After playing Christmas music out loud from his laptop in the 15th floor common area of Straz Tower, sophomore Sam Melster is reportedly under prosecution from his floor mates and R.A.

On Monday, Melster reportedly played songs ranging from “Cold December Night,” to “I want a Hippopotamus for Christmas” and even, weirdly enough, audio segments from Larry the Cable Guy’s Christmas Spectacular.

“I was just getting excited for the Holiday season. I didn’t realize I’d be verbally berated or excluded by my floor mates. Even my R.A. won’t make eye contact with me,” Melster said.

In a public trial led by 15th floor R.A. Will Dorfler, Melster attempted to defend his actions by asserting that many people begin celebrating Christmas early. His list included his aunt Rebecca, Starbucks’ Holiday Cups, and literally every major company that runs Christmas commercials in October.

Despite his best efforts at defending his position, the residents of floor 15 were not convinced.

“Everyone knows you can only start listening to Christmas music after Thanksgiving, it’s explicitly stated in the Resident Contract Agreement,” Dorlfer said. “Sam’s actions are not in line with our University’s Catholic-Jesuit identity, and I’m working hard to make sure this doesn’t happen again on my floor.”

Melster’s actions have also caused outrage outside of the fifteenth floor as well.

“I’m from D.C. and often wear my Redskins sweatshirt, which admittedly makes me sorta racist, but at least it’s seasonally appropriate. But Christmas music before Thanksgiving? That just makes me sick,” said 17th floor resident Jamie Schiller.

At press time, an investigation revealed that Melster had started decorating his room for the Christmas season an astounding two weeks before Thanksgiving, officially making him the most despicable human being alive.

#Christmas #Music #Thanksgiving #Straz #JameySchilling

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