Straight White Male: “Where’s my cultural club?”

Dick Johnson, a freshman at Marquette, was shocked at this year's O-Fest when he searched for a club that he could feel comfortable in, only to find that there were no cultural clubs specifically for straight white males.

“I looked to the left and saw the Black Student Council, I looked to the right and saw the Gender and Sexuality Resource Center, but there wasn’t a single club dedicated to my culture,” said Johnson. “My people have been through a lot, and I feel personally insulted and attacked by the lack of awareness towards my heritage.”

Johnson has been very vocal about his anger towards Marquette University. He has not been able to get approval for his “White Men Empowerment” club on campus. The Office of Student Development has yet to officially comment on this matter, but if they did we imagine it would be something like “I can’t believe that someone’s actually trying to do this. I mean, come on, at least change the name of the club. Sweet Jesus.”

Johnson has also gone on record expressing his disappointment in the Office of Student Development for allowing the multiple women’s clubs on campus. “The fact that these clubs are exclusive to women is sexist and just plain wrong,” says Johnson. “Excluding systematic sexism, childbirth, and that whole “you can’t vote” thing, what have women experienced that gives them special status?”

“Believe me, white guys are an underrepresented minority here at Marquette,” said Johnson, citing no sources or research. “I feel like people don’t understand the daily struggle that us white men go through. For example, one time a homeless guy asked me for change, and it was really uncomfortable.”

We asked Johnson how he plans to handle the absence of a straight white male cultural club, and his solution is simple. “If I can’t make a group for people with similar beliefs, values, and ethnicity to me, I’ll just have to look for those people on my own.”

Johnson plans to join a fraternity next semester.

#StraightWhiteMale #Clubs #StudentOrganizations #Ofest #Culture #JoshKujawinski

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