After Steve Wojciechowski’s antics during his Marquette Madness introduction, the NCAA has decided to issue four preemptive technical foul calls against Marquette. This is the first time in recorded history that technical fouls have ever been called in a preseason scrimmage.
“We thought it best to save our refereeing crews some work and just give him the technical fouls now,” NCAA head of officiating Shirley Mulvers said. “I mean, did you see how insane he was? You can’t seriously tell me that this man is capable of committing any less than a dozen techs this year. Wojo is getting off easy, really.”
This decision comes after Wojo’s excitable entrance on Saturday, which included two leaps into the crowd, two leaps on to tables, way, way too many “We Are Marquette” chants and no less than 90 seconds of sprinting around the Al McGuire Center’s circumference.
“Can you imagine if he did that during a game?” BIG EAST referee Michael Cheffey said. “We would have to give him at least three timeouts in the corner, plus we’d ground him for a whole week. Better to just get the punishment out of the way now.”
While the manner of enforcement has yet to be officially announced, it is likely that opening day opponent Vanderbilt will be the beneficiary. Sources say the NCAA will allow Commodores to shoot eight free throws and get the ball at the start of regulation. Wojo, meanwhile, will be restrained and sedated on the bench.
“I can’t help but feel like this is a little bit unfair,” Wojo said. “Marquette athletics usually locks me in my office during the offseason, so I was really just excited about seeing other people again. Now they may not let me come out until the season starts in November.”
Wojo was last seen just after Madness, sprinting through the doors of the Al McGuire Center and running down N. 12th Street, far away from anybody that could give him a technical foul.