Sophomore sees Virgin Mary in a Hot Cookie
MILWAUKEE – Sophomore Christina Sanders claims to have seen the unmistakable likeness of the Virgin Mary clearly outlined in the hot cookie she was given at Cobeen Dining Hall. When Sanders sat down to enjoy this beloved Marquette dessert, she immediately gasped as the white vanilla ice cream melted to form what she claims is the exact outline of the mother of Jesus Christ. Sanders attempted to validate this miraculous sighting by having the four friends she was sitting with give their opinion before starting the process of self-canonization.
One friend, Mary Kleptenbacher, was the first to raise her suspicions to Sanders, but everyone at the table said something to debunk her holy revelation. “I honestly didn’t see anything more than a hot mess of chocolate chips, cookie dough, and ice cream. It was a delicious looking mess, but did not resemble the Virgin Mary in any capacity”, said Kleptenbacher. Nothing if not persistent, Sanders elected to ignore the words of her heathen friends and marched into the Dr. E.J. O’Brien Jesuit Residence to plead her case to Rev. Victor Hoel, a specialist in food-related apparitions.
“Clearly, this is a person just out to get some attention. It’s a common mistake, but this outline is clearly of Mary Magdalene and not the Blessed Virgin. It’s still cool, but we receive these much more often and it is a far less significant apparition”, Hoel said. Unfortunately her journey had to stop there after her roommate, Sue Ellen Mischke, ate the hot cookie in its entirety while Sanders was using the restroom.
“I understand Christina’s frustrations at me because this hot cookie meant a lot to her, but to waste such a delicacy with some wild goose chase would be an affront to genius of the Cobeen staff that made this”, said Mischke. Sources confirm that Sanders claimed to have seen Saint Theresa of Calcutta’s image in her plate of Mac n’ nugs the following day, and has since been excommunicated from the Catholic Church.