Junior buys PS4 instead of food


Junior Mark Briggs has been enjoying the freedom that comes with living off campus. “I love that I don’t have to swipe in, worry about RAs, or have those stupid hall meetings anymore,” said Briggs. “I have not missed dorm life one bit.”

What Briggs is missing this semester is about $400 in cash. Last week, Briggs bought a brand new Play Station 4 from a nearby Game Stop. Three days after the purchase, Briggs ran out of food.

“Honestly, it’s not a big deal,” Briggs said. “Ramen noodles are six for one dollar on sale at Walgreens, so if I gather up all the quarters in my room I think I’ll be good.” The Golden Seagull reached out to Walgreens and found that the sale was discontinued.

“I tried to warn him,” said Game Stop employee Glenn Schwimmer. “I said he shouldn’t do it, but if he were to do it then he should buy extra memory, as well as Game Stop’s three week warranty for only $75 extra.”

In a last ditch effort to not die of starvation while keeping the PS4, Briggs confessed that he has resorted to stealing his roommates food.

Briggs told us, “I’ve been waiting until Kevin is asleep, and then I sneak downstairs and only take as much food as I need. He’ll never find out. He’s such a dummy.”

“Of course I noticed,” said Briggs’ roommate Kevin Reedy. “I keep buying Oreos and they keep disappearing. What does he think I am, a dummy?”

Briggs is aware that his current source of food in unsustainable. "I know I can't live on Kevin's food forever. He doesn't even buy real Oreos! These are called "Nice Sandwich Cremes." Briggs says that he will soon be looking into alternative options for getting food.

When asked if the sacrifice was worth it, Briggs had this to say "Um, have you played Fallout 4?"

#Junior #OffCampus #PS4 #Food #Crime #NiceSandwichCremes

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