Marquette student reportedly “so in”
MILWAUKEE- After a brief interaction with a female classmate on Monday, eyewitnesses report that Marquette sophomore Stephen Barrett is so in.
Barrett’s encounter occurred next to of the Alumni Memorial Union’s (AMU) East Entrance, and was with fellow sophomore Rebecca Janikowski.
The duration of the interaction is estimated to have been just under five minutes, and was reportedly quite pleasant. The conversation began surrounding an assignment due that day, but quickly became far more intimate.
“After she asked me if I could send over my notes from Bio, she asked how my weekend was. It was a pretty standard interaction really,” Barrett said.
Further reports from a group of Barrett’s friends who witnessed the conversation confirmed that he was indeed “in.”
The group included Austin Kavula, John Mangelsdorf and Will Eckert, all sophomores.
“We were all there just waiting for him. As guys, we’re brofessionals in the art of girls,” Mangelsdorf said. “I’m telling you, we sensed some serious Romeo and Juliet stuff between them. It’s meant to be.”
Upon completion of the conversation, the group of friends nearby applauded Barrett, exchanged high fives, and let out primal yells of encouragement.
“They talked for like four minutes, I counted,” Kavula said. “She definitely smiled at him too, which I learned in my PYSC 1001 class means she totally into him.”
Despite facing overwhelming pressure from his friends to “get after that,” Barrett remains cautious. After extensive social media stalking, he noted evidence that she probably has a boyfriend.
“Plus I think she just sees me as a friend, which is okay, I’m used to the friendzone. It’s lovely there this time of the year,” Barrett said.
His friends are convinced the opposite is true however.
“There was definitely a deeper meaning behind her saying ‘hi.’ We’re trying to figure out his next move,” Eckert said. “Plus I just checked her Instagram, and she hasn’t posted any pictures of her with guys in them in like two weeks! It’s basically a sure thing at this point.”
At press time, Barrett revealed a detailed plan of action loosely based off a WikiHow article entitled “How to get the girl, even if you’ve only talked to her for, like, four minutes.”