Freshman Psychology Major Confidently Diagnoses Roommate


Freshman Psychology major Anna MacDonald has truly found her calling in the study of human psychology. “I’m kind of a natural,” she said.

Anna is currently taking her first Psychology course at Marquette. After two weeks of General Psychology, she feels confident enough to diagnose her friends and relatives, much to their delight.

“I feel really good about what I’m doing,” she said. “I think I can really help people improve themselves. Everyone I know seems to really appreciate what I’m doing.”

Anna, who says she has yet to delve into her Psychology 1001 textbook, has been focusing her recent efforts on her roommate, Lucy Ashwell. Unlike Anna’s other “clients,” Lucy has been less than enthusiastic about Anna’s newfound expertise.

“She’s always staring at me, asking what I’m thinking about, if I’m feeling okay. It’s really weird. When we went to a party the other night and I had a beer, Anna asked me why I felt the need to drink. She implied that I’m trying to fill some kind of void in my life, that I’m repressing something.” Lucy said, rolling her eyes for emphasis.

“Lucy is reluctant to face the facts,” Anna said. “She thinks she puts up a strong front, but I can see right through her.”

Anna insists she has put a great amount of thought into diagnosing Lucy. “The other day I thought about it for like, a whole ten minutes.”

So what is Lucy’s diagnosis?

“It’s complicated,” Anna said. “She stayed in bed until noon the other day, so I’m 99% confident that she has some sort of depression. She also skipped her friend’s party the other night, so there is definitely social anxiety there. She responds to my help with hostility, so she may also have antisocial personality disorder. I mean, I know I’ve only known her two weeks."

Lucy, who was unavailable for further comment, is reportedly looking into different roommate arrangements for next semester.

#Freshman #Roommate #Pyschology #ResLife #CarlyWestpfahl

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