The Commons received a B rating on its health and safety inspection earlier this week. When asked about the poor score, Commons Facilities Manager Willy West didn’t seem too shook. “Look, it’s still better than any of the students living here will do on the...
February 13, 2019
During halftime of the men's basketball game against Kansas State earlier this year, junior Donte Jones bowled a near perfect game of Wii Bowling. If you dipped out at the half to grab Chick-fil-A, you may have missed Jones's unconscious performance, but you definitely...
May 2, 2018
Warm weather on Tuesday provoked the entire Marquette student body to slither out of the sewer tunnels and fester in Central Mall until September.
“Where did all these people come from?” asked freshman Caroline Johnson. “Marquette’s campus became an apocalyptic wastelan...
April 25, 2018
MILWAUKEE - Marquette announced the birth of Fiona, an adorable newborn baby limo. This is the first new limo to be born on campus in 13 years.
“Born at approximately 10 p.m. last night, the calf is staying close to mom Tabitha,” a statement, released on Wednesday, read...
April 16, 2018
Senior Darren Dreyfus sat in front of his laptop Sunday staring at an open Word document. He had an essay due for his International Advertising class at 5:00 PM that evening, and so far he had only written his name and the date.
"I remember racking my brain trying to th...
April 13, 2018
The city of Milwaukee broke ground Friday morning on the construction of a new street car track that runs strictly from 19th and Kilbourn to Qdoba.
"There has been a lot of criticism against our plan to bring street cars to the city," Milwaukee mayor Tom Barrett said....
April 11, 2018
The Office of Residence Life’s sophomore housing website malfunctioned for the second time this semester Monday night. However, the crash landed some freshmen in a new, better living situation than before: the Valley Fields dome.
“With a 4:15 sign-up time, we were hopin...
April 9, 2018
In a heart-wrenching interview this week, Victor McCormick Hall, the largest dormitory on Marquette’s campus, begged for the sweet release of death. McCormick Hall has been in operation for over 50 years, housing upwards of 700 freshmen students each year since its con...
The Golden Seagull is a student-run satirical news site founded in 2016 by Ian Schrank and Josh Kujawinski. Our mission is to provide the students of Marquette University with best coverage of news big and small, national and local, real and fake.
With the exception of public figures, the Golden Seagull uses all invented names in its stories. Any other use of real names is accidental and coincidental. The Golden Seagull is not associated with Marquette University.
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